Is it Love or Abuse?

There are so many ways the abuser disguises himself to wedge his or her way into your life to hurt you. One of the most dangerous ways is through chastisement or correction coming at you in the name of love. This type of abuse usually comes to us through the form of an authority figure otherwise we would be automatically repelled and not listen to it.

The destroyer has successfully used people in place of power to gain control over the targeted persons throughout the ages. This keeping the targeted person being censured in a place of smallness. It is designed to break that persons will and capacity to think for themselves. Usually the abuser uses this tactic because they themselves are so insecure they have to diminish others around them.

How and why are we susceptible to this happening to us and how can we discern the tell-tale signs of abuse coming at us. Especially if it is disguised in the form of love. I will list for you a few ways this happens and why we allow authority figures to have power over us in the first place.

Our subconscious has trained us to give power away to the chastiser since the day we were born. Just as we were designed to worship God or higher power than ourselves, we are also designed to look to other authority figures to lead us in the natural. It is inherent in most all animal species to raised up a leader in the pack to lead. Since the beginning of time people have always instated a leader or kings to rule over them.

We have been conditioned since birth that our mother, father or primary caregiver leads us. They let us know our place in society. Reinforcing our behaviors through punishments or chastisement. We let them have that authority because we are small and they bigger than us at the time we formed relationship with them. Growing up we tend to look for role models and put others in places of power over us because that just seems like natural thing or us to do. We are not accustomed to owning our own power and being a leader for ourselves. A new set of ideals and a paradigm shift must happen for us to accept leadership of ourselves. (I will cover more on this topic in another blog.)

The following are a few ways to discern if you are facing abuse disguising itself in the form of love during a conversation.

1. The abuser will say, "Karma will be out to get you if you don’t listen to what I have to say" you to do. (The fact of the matter is, this is between you and God. No one can wish Karma on you. You are protected by your obedience to what God has called you to do).

2. They say that they are the only ones who hear God’s voice and you don’t have the capacity too. Nor are you supposed to be empowered enough to hear from God or know anything for yourself. (They cut off your capacity to communicate with your Creator and do as Christ called us to do in John 14:12.)

3. They give you many scenarios of other times when others didn’t listen to them saying that bad things happened to these people (This designed to strike fear into your heart so you will listen and do exactly as they tell you. 2 Timothy 1:7).

4. Their ideas of what you should be doing doesn’t match up with what God has told you do or what your heart says to do or what seems right for your situation. When you share this with them, they become hostile and angry instead of accepting that you are of free will and doing the best for you.

5. They throw a lot of smoke in the air with ideas of why they are right and go on to quote from books such as the Bible, Koran, Book of Budda, etc or worse yet quote someone they think influences you. (This instead of asking you what you might think is the right thing to do and encouraging you to find your own answers or seek help from God.) 6. They gas light you and put all the blame on you for the problem and say that it is because of you that it is happening and that they don’t have any answers. (This designed to make you feel bad for sharing with them about your issue in the first place.) They show no empathy or just enough empathy to get you to open up so they can then revolt you in this way.

7. They start disregarding members in your family or others they think you may be listening to that do not support their agenda. In many cases it will be other heads of authority like parents, wives, husband’s, family members, pastors, or leaders in your life.

8. They imply two different things you should do at the same time, each conflicting but somehow they back it with enough fluff so they throw the spirit of confusion on you. (They are of a double mind. James 1:8)

9. They devalue or discredit what you say. They tell you they think you are joking or that you don’t really have the issue that you first shared with them about. Stating you are lying and making up things. (This is because they don’t truly accept you and all that comes with you.)

10. They apply your problem to how they fixed a similar problem in their life and tell you that you should take the same route to fixing your problem as they did. With no regard to the fact that every situation is different and every person is different.

11. They come in the name of love. This designed to break your walls of security and put you in a place of vulnerability as you open your heart to them assuming it is love. (This is where the true damage happens. Once you are open and receptive, then they can attack and sink their claws in. If they can attack the heart it will seep their abuse into all other areas of your life. A wounded heart attracts more wounds.

This blog may be painful to read if you have encountered similar abuse. However, it is designed to bring awareness of abuse disguised in the name of love. Especially coming at you from those in places of authority. Move away from anyone who is showing signs of these tactics in their conversations with you. Guard your heart for it is the well spring of life. Proverbs 4:23